When the fog lifts.

The moment, the moment when the fog lifts and your world is clear again. That moment is so very wonderful. Like I can see again. My mind working again. It’s a good feeling.

Life is still hard, a constant stretch but now that the post adoption depression is under control, I feel like I can handle those moments with the exact care and love that they require. Sure the days aren’t easy. But, they are easier.

So, now that the fog has lifted, what comes next? The hard work. The work of healing and mending deep wounds of trauma that come from being adopted. The work of blending a family. Sure, we are all attached but we need to go deeper than that. To make sure that Ming knows that we aren’t going anywhere. To teach him coping skills. To help him learn to self soothe. To let him know that we are here to kiss boo boo’s and he doesn’t have to tough it out by himself. To teach him how to communicate. How to express anger and frustration and love and kindness. All these things, so unnatural to him. And I have to learn to teach him. To see what his needs are and meet them. To look beyond the surface and dig deep. To understand his actions and behaviors on a whole new level and to meet him just where he is.

I’ve been meeting a trauma therapist to help understand Ming a little better and how to nurture his wounds and heart. I had a revelation during our session the other day. While Ming is developmentally on target or above for his age, emotionally he is that of a 6 month old. I need to meet him at his emotional level. To nurture that side of him that needs the most tender loving care. And, it’s hard to not push your child to do things that you know they are developmentally capable of.

It isn’t Ming that needs to learn and change, it is myself. I have to adjust. To rethink every movement to make sure that I am meeting his emotional needs. To stop before I speak or act. To see the deeper side of things. And it’s exhausting. But with that exhaustion comes a sense of relief that I am changing and that change is hard and tiring but very worth it.

I always thought of myself as a very attachment oriented parent but this brings it to a whole new level. And, I just have to keep evaluating and reevaluating and changing and growing. And while we are in a rhythm, I can’t get stale. I can’t let that rhythm get comfortable. I can’t stop trying to reach and be greater for my son. Because he is worth it. Our family is worth it. So onward we push.

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